Do’s and Don’ts of Quarantine

We’ve all seen so many articles on how to stay safe during quarantine. But none of those articles involve having any fun, So I’ve composed a list on the top 10 do’s and don’ts of living in quarantine that almost guarantees a good time.

1. Don’t get too “zoomed out”
I don’t know when being “zoomed out” became a trend. Have we all forgotten the first week of quarantine when we were so excited about being able to annoy our friends with the virtual background and zoom reactions every 30 seconds? I really am in Antarctica!

2. Do toilet paper your friend’s house!
Hurry! You’ll only be able to get away with it for a few more months. Right now it’s the most practical gift you can give them. (But don’t leave hate comments if they don’t take it well) 

3. Don’t overuse zoom reactions.
Is it really necessary to have a thumbs up in the corner of the screen during the entire zoom call? Okay yes, this is me sometimes. And yes, sometimes a virtual thumbs up or clap is essential.

4. Do join a group online.
When you use Zoom, it doesn’t matter if they’re 1,135.4 miles away from your current location. (Hypothetically of course, definitely not based on a true story)

5. Don’t forget a funny virtual background.
Your friends really believe you’re in Antarctica, on an iceberg, but they’re just jealous, so they pretend it’s a fake background.

6. Do read the Babylon Bee.
Their writers must be having a whole lot of fun right now.

7. Don’t start a hand sanitizer business.
As hard as it is to find hand sanitizer at the store, somehow buying gallons of it from a stranger on Craigslist never crossed my mind.

8. Do make homemade “hand sanitizer” out of clear glue, glitter, and food coloring.
Give it to your friends, sit back and enjoy the show! (Again, no hate comments if the joke doesn’t stick well. Pun intended)

9. Don’t complain to fast food employees about “all these people in the drive-thru, breaking quarantine when they should be at home”. When the customer is always right, French fries are essential!

10. Do tell a lot of quarantine jokes! Why do Dalmatians always sneak out at night during the stay at home order? Because they don’t want to be spotted! What do you call it when you’ve been on lockdown for 13-19 days? QuaranTEEN. Why are pets always happy during quarantine? Because they always stay PAW-sitive. Why six feet apart? Because seven ate nine!