Well camping season is just about over. I just love everything about camping: the smell of bug spray, soaked sleeping bags, trying to boil water in the cold rain on a tiny camp stove, everyone singing all the classics off key, and marshmallows engulfed in flames. All that’s awesome, but I think my favorite part is late night campfire conversations. There are 13 people I’ve seen at every campfire. I promise… You’re one of them:
1. The comfy one. This person never leaves the tent with less than two blankets. Like seriously, do you really need six pillows, four blankets, a winter sleeping bag, and a campfire chair with a built in pillow pet and three cup holders? (Okay, yes this is me sometimes.)
2. Charred marshmallows. They say: “If you burn all the sugar out of a marshmallow, it’s healthier!” Which brings me to the next one:
3. The marshmallow champion. Seriously, someone needs to take a picture of this perfect marshmallow! Oh right… “No phones this year.” Which brings me to the next one:
4. The one who is on their phone the whole time. Seriously, we’re in the middle of nowhere, no wifi, reception or place to charge it. Why do you feel a need to play Toon Blast constantly and use all your data to finish your season of Stranger Things? And no, a Samsung Galaxy doesn’t count as stargazing. (Not sponsored by Toon Blast)
5. The campfire singer. Guitar or a cappella, this person knows every camp song ever, has rehearsed them all, and is determined to perform all of them very loudly.
6. The punny one. The. Jokes. Never. End. Like how many puns do you have memorized? Where do people bake cakes? Japan. What do aliens eat? Mars-hmallows. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. (Wasn’t that a lame joke?) Why was the boy covered in gift wrap? Because his mom told him to live in the present. What’s Boaz’s favorite animal? A kanga-Ruth!
7. The picky eater. “I don’t like ham!” Then why didn’t you say that before we packed the food?
8. The princess. Don’t want to stain your clothes? Hint: Don’t pack your favorite white shirt. Don’t want your mascara to run? Hint: Don’t wear it camping. Trust me, it will always rain, especially if the weather says 77 degrees and sunny.
9. The smoke magnet. Its nothing personal; I’m just not sitting next to you because I don’t want smoke in my eyes.
10. The fire blower. This is the person who isn’t trying to scare the people on the other side of the fire, they’re just trying to blow out a two foot bonfire.
11. The fire poker. This is the fire champion. Building marshmallow toasting caves, perfecting the ratio of flames to coals, and making a smoke cloud the size of a semi truck.
12. The trooper. We’re staying in heated cabins for two days! Why do you need a whole egg carton full of fire starters?
13. The story teller. I can’t stand another dark and stormy night!