So the Christmas season is coming. Fast. Really fast. Usually when people think of the holidays, they think of family, laughter, amazing food, and sitting by the fire watching the cozy-cold snow. But The Holidays have a twist. A dark twist. A sometimes hilarious twist. A dark side that not many people remember when that June family reunion comes around and everyone is telling stories from the last Christmas gathering. Here are the 11 holiday catastrophes that happen to everyone.
1. Thanksgiving Turkey Catastrophe: The possibilities are endless for this one. The turkey isn’t thawed by 5 pm, its burned/raw, the oven is broken, the dog licks the turkey, no one buys one in the first place, someone’s idea of a Thanksgiving turkey is a turkey burger for dinner, or worst of all, someone replaces it with a hickory honey ham.
2. Fake Tree Disaster: You’ve never really celebrated Christmas until you’ve set up a fake Christmas tree… The branches are never labeled. Bigger branches on top right?
3. New Years Resolutions: 80% are dropped by February. Like, come on. Really?
4. “That” Thanksgiving Party: “Let’s go around the room at this time and all share with one another what we’re thankful for.” Okay you have several cards to play when this happens. You can crack a joke like, “I’m thankful that Dad donated that horrific sweater to Goodwill finally.” A joke works, unless you are going first or the person before you cracked a funnier joke. You could also say; “I’m thankful for friends and family.” It always sounds good, but be prepared to wait awhile because I promise everyone else at the party was planning on saying that and now has to think of something else. Or you could just break the unspoken rule that you don’t say one that someone else has already said.
5. “Not Planning Anything” for Christmas Day: The average American spends $700 on Christmas every year, hurries and stresses to get everything ready, and their plan for the big day is to “Just hang around?” That’s the most expensive “Hanging around” I’ve ever heard of!
6. Debating Politics During Thanksgiving Dinner: After today you will never speak to each other again, but at least now you know whether your extended family members vote Republican or Democrat.
7. I Forgot The Gravy: It’s sure to happen one year.
8. The Oven Schedule: So the berry pies bake at 375 degrees, the apple pies bake at 325 degrees, the turkey bakes at 350 degrees, and so on. Okay, so if we start in October, everything should be ready by 7:00 pm Thanksgiving day.
9. Hitting up those Black Friday sales at 2:00 pm on Thanksgiving, while all your food is burning at home.
10. “That House.” By the time we take down our Christmas tree, we just have to put it back up again!
11. Black Friday Shoppers: Where are these people the rest of the year? It’s amazing what people buy when they get 60% off.
If not all of these have happened to you, you’ve been warned… The year is coming.